Reflection on Depression

Major progress with physical training

After six weeks of once-a-week sessions with a personal trainer I'm seeing amazing progress. Yesterday I learned that my heart rate is twenty beats per minute lower than it was two months ago, and my blood pressure is back within the the optimal range (it had been mildly elevated ever since I started one of my current medications). The emotional benefits of exercise have been less dramatic, but still noticeable. I do feel better immediately following a workout, and I have more energy most days than I did before. 

It's nice knowing that, at the very least, exercise is helping me manage medication side effects like high blood pressure. . . . not to mention I now kick ass and fit back into my skinny jeans. Right now I'm doing some cardio about 2 times a week between sessions, but I'd probably see even better results if I could get in more often.

A few years ago I wouldn't have been able to work out for more than a few minutes because the intrusive thoughts would have been too disabling. It's such a great feeling to finally get back to it!

 

Personal training

At the beginning of the year I purchased 12 personal training sessions at a nearby gym, having concluded that drastic measures are necessary to get back my pre-depression physique.  

My body took a beating during the last episode. I lost my appetite--and twenty pounds--in a short period of time; then I gained back twenty five while recovering.  Now, even though the number on the scale is close to what is was before I got sick, my body composition is different.  The 20 pounds I lost included muscle, while those I gained are mainly flab. I may not look that different, but I feel different--I get winded easily and my tennis game is suffering because my footwork and stamina are poor.

I've had four training sessions so far--one a week for a month. And they're hard! The trainer has me circuit training, which involves fast paced weightlifting. It's so hard, in fact, that the first two sessions almost made me puke. At least this last one was better and I can finally tell I'm getting stronger.  

Working out is helping my mood as well. That surprises me because I've always been skeptical of the claim that exercise eases depression. Would aerobics have healed Andrea Yates? I doubt it. Plus, if exercise cured depression I don't think I would have spiraled into my first and second episodes while running nearly 40 miles a week. 

While exercise may be an inadequate treatment for severe depression, experience is persuading me that it's useful when depression is mild. I don't think it would have helped at my worst, but as a preventative and maintenance measure it seems beneficial. If nothing else, it makes me feel like I'm doing something good for myself, and that increases my sense of self-efficacy. 

That cheers me up--almost as much as this pic! :)